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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585731">I Think I'm Better On My Own (But I Get So Lost in You)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforthestars/pseuds/lookingforthestars'>lookingforthestars</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Million Pieces [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Runaways (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, But mostly fluff, Chase POV, F/M, mentions of abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:48:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,198</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585731</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookingforthestars/pseuds/lookingforthestars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chase and Gert try to do the friendship thing. It's a little complicated.</p><p>Sequel to Lie to Me.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chase Stein/Gertrude Yorkes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Million Pieces [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1697806</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Think I'm Better On My Own (But I Get So Lost in You)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevernevergirl/gifts">nevernevergirl</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/laylax/gifts">laylax</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/koralinadean/gifts">koralinadean</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I decided to go full AU and write a second part to Lie to Me. Dedicating this to nevernevergirl, laylax, and koralinadean for being loyal, wonderful reviewers and making me smile. You're all great writers in your own right, and your feedback means a lot.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey.”</p><p>Chase grinned. This was, by far, his favorite part of the day. “Hey, Marie.”</p><p>It didn’t start as an everyday thing, talking to Gert before bed. She called him here and there, just checking up on him or complaining about school, or rambling when her brain was running at full speed and wouldn’t shut off. He didn’t mind it – he couldn’t always follow, so he would just put her on speaker and shut his eyes and listen to her voice, and that seemed to be good enough for Gert.</p><p>And then it steadily got more frequent until Chase just stopped whatever he was doing at ten o’clock in anticipation of her call. He didn’t know if this was normal, hanging around the phone, but he’d spent a long time pushing her away, and he wasn’t interested in risking their tenuous second attempt at friendship by blowing her off.</p><p>“I got detention,” she said without preamble.</p><p>Chase choked back a surprised laugh. “What did you do now?”</p><p>“<em>I </em>merely pointed out to Mrs. Hoffman that our history books were full of historically inaccurate bullshit written by white men to erase the suffering and accomplishments of women and minorities, and that I technically didn’t get the answers wrong on our quiz because the questions were based on faulty alternate history.”</p><p>“She didn’t take kindly to that, I assume.”</p><p>“No!” Gert’s voice was brimming with righteous indignation, and she either hadn’t heard or was refusing to acknowledge his sarcasm. “She said I was lucky I didn’t get a month of detention. Dale and Stacey weren’t too pissed, at least. They support the cause, they just don’t want it to ruin my chances of getting into college.”</p><p>Chase remembered the one and only time he got detention. His father beat him so badly he had trouble breathing the next day.</p><p>Sometimes he was jealous that his friends had parents who didn’t punish their mistakes. Who supported their motives, even. But he was also glad they were safe – he didn’t wish this on anyone else. The thought of someone hurting Gert, under any circumstances, made his blood boil.</p><p>He blinked, coming back to reality when he realized that Gert had finished ranting. “Sorry, that sucks. Hey, maybe we can all get detention and reenact The Breakfast Club.”</p><p>Gert snorted. “Oh, totally. Alex is the geek, you’re the jock, Karolina is the princess, Nico is the basketcase…shit, does that make me Bender?”</p><p>If anyone could relate to Bender, it was probably him. But he didn’t say that, because he knew it would just make Gert awkward and apologetic. “I don’t know who you are. Maybe you’re a little bit of everything.”</p><p>“Except jock.”</p><p>“Except jock,” he echoed with a chuckle. “You definitely don’t have Emilio Estevez’s compulsive need to fit in.”</p><p>Now that Chase thought about it, he seemed to have the worst traits of all the characters. Pressure to do well in school, pressure to fit in with friends, pressure to succeed in sports, lack of affection and positive attention from his parents, reckless self-sabotage stemming from a lifetime of abuse…</p><p>“Yeah. I mean, I wish I didn’t,” Gert admitted, and Chase was suddenly paying full attention. She didn’t often open up like this, even to him. Or maybe especially to him. “But sometimes it would be nice not to be on the outside, you know?”</p><p>“Trust me, you’re not missing anything.” He’d been part of the popular crowd, and he could confidently say that leaving them behind for his old friends was one of his few good decisions. “And anyway, you’re not on the outside. You’re trying to change things. You’re like, making a path for other people to do stuff that matters.”</p><p>Wow, that was corny. Gert was always so eloquent and full of conviction, and Chase usually felt like a bumbling idiot next to her – even without his dumb feelings making it harder to stay cool. Her incredibly loud and prolonged silence wasn’t helping, either.</p><p>“That’s really sweet, Chase,” she said finally. “Thanks.”</p><p>He bit his lip, trying not to grin like a dumbass. Maybe he wasn’t such a screwup after all.</p><hr/><p>Chase stared at this phone for ten minutes, tapping the screen to keep it awake every time it started to dim and carrying on a full-fledged debate with himself.</p><p>Cons: It was almost nine, they had school tomorrow, he wasn’t bleeding, this was stupid.</p><p>Pros: Gert had said she would be there for him, and he really wanted to see her.</p><p>Gert picked up on the second ring, and Chase blushed when he heard Molly yell, “Fine, ignore me for your dumb boyfriend!” in the background.</p><p>“Hey,” she said softly, her voice immediately calming his racing pulse. “What’s up? I was going to call you later.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.” Chase squeezed his eyes shut. “Can you…can you meet me somewhere?”</p><p>Her tone turned concerned and a little alarmed. Not a surprise – he’d sounded pretty shaky. “Yeah, of course. Where?”</p><p>They made arrangements and Chase pulled up to the park near her house fifteen minutes later. It hadn’t been hard to sneak out – his dad always locked himself in the lab after one of these blowups, and his mom was usually nowhere to be found, hiding out until things had calmed down and she could go back to pretending their lives were perfect.</p><p>The metal frame rattled a little as Gert sat on the swing next to him, silently scanning him for signs of injury. “Are you hurt?” she asked quietly, when it became clear that Chase wasn’t going to talk first.</p><p>He shook his head. “My dad, he, um…I got rejected for Caltech’s summer program. He already had the letter open when I got home. And he just lost it, he hasn’t really been that bad for a while.”</p><p>It felt so <em>weird</em> to talk about this out loud. He’d never shared these kinds of details with anyone before, and he couldn’t even look at Gert, didn’t know if he could handle her reaction.</p><p>Chase picked at the rubber coating on the chain. “Um, he pushed me. That was it, that didn’t hurt or anything. Trashed my room pretty good, though. Apparently, I don’t deserve everything he’s given me because I’ll never actually be anything, so.”</p><p>When he finally worked up the nerve to meet Gert’s eyes, she was clutching the chains with white knuckles and pressing her lips together. “He’s a piece of shit. You know that, right?”</p><p>Logically, objectively, he did. But his father wasn’t always like that, and in the good moments, Chase couldn’t help but wonder. If there was something in Victor Stein that couldn’t be controlled, if it was completely unjustified, if it came from a place of love or hatred or somewhere in between. “I didn’t really handle it that well either. I mean, we both know I can be an asshole.”</p><p>He huffed out a laugh, trying to lighten the mood, but Gert didn’t bite. “Chase, nothing you have ever done or ever will do is a reason for him to hurt you. No one deserves that, least of all you.”</p><p>Chase wasn’t sure what that meant. That maybe Gert wasn’t just defending him on the basis of general human decency, but something more – something that hinted he was special. Special to her.</p><p>Maybe he was overthinking this. Gert was, after all, the protector of the disadvantaged.</p><p>“Thanks for coming,” he said instead of any of the half-formed thoughts fighting for space in his head. “I just needed to get out of the house for a while, and I know it’s late, but you said I could always talk to you and-.”</p><p>“Yeah, of course, Chase,” she interrupted, mercifully stopping his rambling. “You call, I’ll come. I know you would do the same for me.”</p><p>Gert didn’t have much reason for confidence in him, not since Amy’s death, but it didn’t stop her. Her faith in him was humbling, and he was going to do everything in his power not to disappoint her. “Yeah. I would.”</p><p>They sat in comfortable silence for a while, only punctuated by the creak of the swings and Gert’s boots kicking aimlessly at the mulch. He wanted to tell her it was okay to go home, if she wanted to, but the selfish part of him was enjoying her presence too much, so he didn’t break the stillness.</p><p>“That’s bullshit, by the way.” Gert had her head tilted against the chain, wisps of purple hair falling against her cheek, her eyes soft behind her glasses. For her to look at him that way again, after everything – it struck something deep inside him. He wasn’t sure he deserved it. “That you’ll never be anything. It’s bullshit. You’re smart as hell, Chase. And kind, and…you have a lot going for you. Whatever you want to do, you’re going to be absolutely incredible at it.”</p><p>Chase swallowed thickly, embarrassed to discover that he was choked up. He wasn’t sure anyone had ever told him that – not his friends, not his teachers, not his mother, certainly not his father.</p><p>He didn’t know if she was right. He hoped she was. But she believed it, and that was enough. “Thanks. You too.”</p><p>Gert smiled, a small, private thing just for him, and all he wanted to do was kiss her. But he couldn’t risk ruining the tentative peace they’d built, his one real safe haven. Instead, Chase stood up, and when Gert followed, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight to him. She went willingly, hugging him back with surprising strength. That was Gert. Deceptively strong, always. Stronger than him, always.</p><hr/><p>“No.”</p><p>“Oh, come <em>on</em>,” Nico whined. “It’ll be hilarious! We’ve all made out already anyway.”</p><p>She wasn’t wrong. Nico had dated Alex briefly (very briefly) before surprising the hell out of everyone by falling for Karolina. Chase had kissed Karolina at a party once – he didn’t like to think about that incredibly ill-advised decision – and of course, he and Gert kissed in fifth grade. He wasn’t even sure she remembered, but he certainly did.</p><p>The only person who hadn’t kissed any member of the group was Molly, because she was a baby, but he didn’t need to worry about her because she was fast asleep and snoring on the couch.</p><p>Despite their weird level of familiarity with each other, there was only one person he <em>wanted</em> to kiss, and he wasn’t certain that she wanted to kiss him. “Nico, you’re supposed to play spin the bottle with people you don’t know, not your closest friends, it’s so <em>awkward</em>-.”</p><p>“It’s fine,” Gert piped up, taking a swig from her vodka lemonade. “We’re all drunk, we’ll only vaguely remember in the morning. And if you land on Alex, we’ll accept cheek kisses, although I’m personally hoping for more action than that.”</p><p>He was powerless to resist the teasing smirk on her face. Or to resist her, ever. Maybe the universe would smile down on him, and he would get his chance to kiss Gert in a way that wouldn’t send their developing friendship straight to hell. “Fine. I’m clearly outnumbered here.”</p><p>Karolina – the happiest and most adventurous drunk of all of them – eagerly spun first, landing on Chase. She pecked him on the lips, and he blushed, more from the embarrassment than anything. Nico looked highly amused, but unbothered. Karolina had pretty definitively chosen Nico over Chase before, so there was no reason to be jealous.</p><p>Alex spun, landing on Gert, and he had no reason to be jealous either – their kiss was basically as chaste as the one he shared with Karolina, and Gert wasn’t his girlfriend – but <em>god</em>. He’d wanted to punch Alex many, many times over the years, but never so much as right now.</p><p>Gert laughed, wiping her mouth on her hand. Nico took the next turn, lighting up when she landed on Karolina. “Cheater!” Gert yelled, like Nico had controlled the outcome with a magic wand or something.</p><p>“Don’t be jealous,” Nico said cheekily before kissing her girlfriend passionately, tangling her hands in blonde hair and shifting so she was nearly in Karolina’s lap. They made out sloppily for what felt like an hour before Nico pulled back, proudly admiring the dark lipstick smeared across Karolina’s lips.</p><p>“Your turn!” Nico declared as she pointed at Chase. He held his breath, thinking about the worst-case scenario – kissing Nico probably wouldn’t be terrible, kissing Karolina twice would be awkward, and kissing Alex would be unbearable, if only because the girls would never let it die.</p><p>But it was his lucky day, because the bottle skidded to a stop in front of Gert, who looked up at him with wide eyes.</p><p><em>Be cool, be cool, be cool. </em>Chase couldn’t let on that he was absolutely falling apart. This was fun, this was casual, Gert had kissed Alex, it wasn’t a big deal.</p><p>Had Gert leaned in? She suddenly seemed very close – he could feel her warm breath on his lips. Chase placed a tentative hand on her cheek, and her skin was hot, practically burning, underneath his. “Is this okay?” he said in a low voice.</p><p>She nodded, and he closed the distance before he could chicken out. This was decidedly <em>not</em> like Gert’s kiss with Alex, because she gasped quietly against his mouth, her hand scrabbling up to his bicep and squeezing. Chase’s hand slid into her hair, soft and a little wild between his fingers, and he sank into the kiss, savoring it like it was the only one he would ever get.</p><p>Although, if he wasn’t completely drunk and delusional, Gert seemed to be reciprocating. Her tongue swept over his bottom lip, and Chase had to stifle a groan, <em>god</em>, why we weren’t they alone…</p><p>“Oh, damn,” Nico said a little too loudly, startling them both, and Gert jumped back like she’d been shocked. The room felt freezing without her body heat, and she quickly drained the rest of her drink instead of making eye contact with him. Chase dragged his attention toward the others, who were giving him equally knowing looks. Shit.</p><p>“Okay! I’m hungry,” Karolina announced emphatically. “Can we get more snacks?”</p><p>She shot him a sly wink, and Chase was grateful. He didn’t want the game to continue, didn’t want to kiss anyone else, didn’t want to watch Gert kiss anyone else. He wanted to hold on to that one perfect moment for as long as possible.</p><hr/><p>Gert lied when she said they would only have vague memories of that night. He could vividly picture every detail, her lips, her skin, her tongue, the little noises she made, the way she clung to him…it was all he could think about.</p><p>She didn’t call him the next day. <em>You okay? </em>he texted at twenty-six minutes past ten. It was Sunday, though, maybe she was doing something with Molly or Dale and Stacey – it didn’t mean anything.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah. Busy tonight. We’ll talk later.</em>
</p><p>Something didn’t sit right – even when she was too busy to talk, he usually got a detailed text message about her day – but he tried not to dwell on it. Their kiss had flipped his world completely upside down, but that didn’t mean it meant anything to Gert. It was a game, they’d been drinking…if she remembered at all, it was probably with the same amusement as her kiss with Alex.</p><p>Unless…</p><p>No. Gert had clearly enjoyed the kiss (at least, he was pretty sure?) but that didn’t guarantee actual feelings. Somehow, it just seemed so unlikely that Gert would be interested in him. She was intelligent and passionate and <em>tough</em>, and he was an insecure mess with tons of baggage and no idea what he wanted out of life.</p><p>If he was <em>wrong</em> – if he made a move and failed, he didn’t know what that would mean for their friendship. And he needed her. Dealing with all the problems at home had been so much easier since he started leaning on her.</p><p>And what if he was right? Gert had been taking care of him, could he take care of her? Overcome all the damage from his parents and break the cycle of abuse and dysfunction?</p><p>He didn’t know. And that scared him.</p><hr/><p>“Can we talk?”</p><p>He hadn’t really seen Gert the past couple of days – she hadn’t called him since the night before the party, which was weird, and he was trying to give her space because that seemed to be what she wanted.</p><p>Maybe she wasn’t the only one who needed it. Chase just kept dissecting everything that had happened between them, and he didn’t feel like he was any closer to deciding how to handle it. “Sure.”</p><p>Gert peeked into the gym, even though it was almost always empty until third period, and waved him inside. Chase had absolutely no idea what she was going to say, and it was making him sweat a little.</p><p>“Okay, so,” she started, laying her hands flat against her thighs like she wasn’t sure what to do with them. “Things have been awkward, right? I’m not imagining that?”</p><p>Chase wasn’t sure how to respond – wasn’t sure how she wanted him to respond – so he just nodded.</p><p>“Is it because of the game? Look, I was drunk and you’re right, it was such a dumb idea. And I don’t want things to be weird when it didn’t even mean anything.”</p><p><em>Ouch</em>.</p><p>He knew that he had feelings for Gert, and that there was a chance she didn’t return them. But to hear it – to hear her be so calm about it, because to her, it had meant absolutely nothing – that hurt. Quite a bit more than he expected.</p><p>“Yeah, obviously. Did you think I thought it meant something?”</p><p>Gert’s expression changed in an instant. “You don’t have to be a dick about it, Chase.”</p><p>“Okay, well, you’re the one who’s been ignoring me.” His voice was cold, he hated the way it sounded – just like his dad – but it was that or completely break down about the fact that Gert had rejected him so casually, and she had seen him vulnerable, so many times already, she wasn’t going to see that.</p><p>She frowned. “I told you, I was busy. Sometimes I have other things going on besides you.”</p><p>“Whatever. I don’t actually need you to call every single night.”</p><p>Chase regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, but it was too late. Gert’s face fell, just for a second, and then she looked <em>pissed</em>, her jaw tight and her eyebrows furrowed. “Okay, uh, I’m sorry for trying. This was clearly a huge mistake.”</p><p>She was gone before he’d even started to formulate a response, slamming the door hard behind her.</p><p>Chase tipped his head back, closing his eyes and exhaling. Turned out he was a screwup after all.</p><hr/><p>He’d gotten her back, just to lose her again. Maybe that was inevitable – maybe he would always find a way to ruin them. Gert deserved an apology, probably an explanation, too, but he wasn’t sure he was brave enough for that. Although he wasn’t sure it mattered anymore. If they weren’t talking, if they weren’t friends, it wasn’t like he could alienate her <em>more</em> by admitting the real reason he shut her out.</p><p>But this wasn’t the time to go down that particular rabbit hole. This was the time to watch movies with his friends, after getting the invitation from Karolina. <em>Come hang out with us. Gert and Molly won’t be there, they’re at a farmer’s market or something with Dale and Stacey.</em> </p><p>He didn’t want his…<em>whatever</em> the hell was happening with Gert to ruin the group, not after they’d worked so hard to rebuild their friendships. And he needed a distraction. Something to help him think about literally anything other than Gert and how much she probably hated him for five seconds.</p><p>Haha, just kidding. Gert opened Karolina’s door, looking exactly as shocked as he felt. “What are you doing here? They said you had practice.”</p><p>“Yeah, they told me you…” he trailed off. “Those assholes.”</p><p>“Yep! That’s us!” Nico said gleefully as she appeared behind them, shoving Gert over the threshold and slamming the door shut. “You can come back in when you’ve made peace!” she yelled, her voice muffled through the glass pane as the lock clicked into place.</p><p>Chase had instinctively reached out to steady Gert when she tripped over the step, but she glared at him and he dropped his hands. “I’m going to burn that house down with them in it,” she grumbled.</p><p>He couldn’t help it – he laughed. He’d missed Gert’s death threats, he’d just missed…<em>everything</em>. “They’re not wrong,” he said quietly. “We can’t keep going like this. I don’t want to keep going like this.”</p><p>Gert’s expression softened. She still looked angry, but less like she was considering blinding him with pepper spray. “Yeah, well,” she looked down, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You’re the one who flipped out on me for no reason, Chase.”</p><p>“I know. I know I did, and I swear I’ll explain, I just…” He felt awkward standing there, and he was seventy-four percent certain that everyone was eavesdropping, so he motioned to the front step and they sat down as far apart as they could on the narrow ledge. “Look, I can tell you I’m sorry, which I am, and we can go back to being friends. Or I can tell you why I was such a jerk and you may or may not want to be friends with me after that. It’s your choice, Gert.”</p><p>She ran her hands up and down her bare shins, thinking for a long minute. “I want the truth,” she said finally. “I forgive you, but I need to know why.”</p><p>Taking comfort and confidence from the fact that she was at least willing to forgive him, Chase forged ahead. This was it – this was going to change everything, for better or worse. “I wanted that kiss to mean something. I wanted it to mean that you had feelings for me.” He could only see Gert in his peripheral vision, but he felt the confusion and uncertainty rolling off of her in waves. “Because I like you, Gert, I have for such a long time. Even before we started talking again. And it didn’t mean anything to you, which is…it’s completely fair, I mean, you have a right to feel however you feel. But it hurt and I lashed out because I’m an idiot, and I’m sorry. I don’t want to stop being friends because of that. I really need you in my life, as a friend, as anything. Whatever you’re willing to be.”</p><p>Chase was pretty sure he wasn’t breathing. He waited patiently for her response, ignoring the pit of anxiety that grew in his stomach with every passing second.</p><p>“I was embarrassed,” she said in a small, cautious voice, curling her fingers and pressing them into her skin. “I couldn’t believe I was kissing <em>Chase Stein</em>, the guy I’ve had a crush on forever. I felt so stupid for basically throwing myself at you, and then you were acting weird, so I told you it didn’t mean anything. I thought that was what you needed to hear for things to go back to normal.”</p><p>He was struggling to process all of that, his brain playing <em>the guy I’ve had a crush on forever </em>on a loop. He was so stupid – he wished he could go back to three years ago and redo it. Not waste so much time being weak and insecure. “Gert, talking to you is the best part of my day. Always. Forget everything else I said, okay? That’s the truth.”</p><p>“It’s the best part of my day, too.” Gert bit her lip. “So…what now?”</p><p>What the hell, right? Chase was pretty sure even he couldn’t screw this up, with the way Gert was looking at him. “Now, I’d really love to kiss you again, if that’s okay.”</p><p>She laughed softly and nodded, twisting her fingers in his shirt to pull him closer as their lips met. One hand slid into her hair again – he was starting to discover how weak he was for her hair – and the other rested on her knee at the edge of her skirt. He could feel her pulse <em>everywhere</em>, jumping rapidly, just like his.</p><p>Touching Gert always made him feel the same way – like everything would be okay. He didn’t have it all figured out yet, but he was sure of that.</p><p>Gert pulled back, face flushed and a little breathless. She ran a hand through her hair and adjusted her skirt, and Chase was pretty sure he had never been more attracted to her. “Maybe we can continue this when we’re not in front of Karolina’s neighbors?” As much as he desperately wanted to keep kissing her, he knew she was right. As usual. “Ready to go join the traitors?”</p><p>“You know,” he grinned, wrapping his hand around hers. “I think we can forgive them just this once.”</p>
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